An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
An audio recording of the segment
For Erin Words are all I have To explain and comfort To help map a way ahead.
But now they fail me No directions appearing Support feeling superficial.
I wish I could do something Nothing now appearing The future a blur.
A brave young woman Children by her side Taking one step at a time.
And so it must be For others can’t direct Or choose her path.
All who know her Would unreservedly agree She has the wherewithal.
But the challenges abound Rearing their heads The expected and unexpected.
Standing alone now Lonely in the crowd The sounding board silent.
And yet a whisper exists The things Sam said and felt The love not lost.
Brian Matthews, 24-8-22
A night out Such fun to be here Live music and dancing Songs in the air Jostling with the laughter.
Smiling faces all around An affirmation of life Not just stewing at home Gnawing the bone of grief.
Snippets of conversation No subject too lengthy Living in the now Shaking the old bones.
A refreshing change An important reminder Of the need for joy Fertiliser for the soul.
Brian Matthews, 28/8/22
The link The bond between parent and child Emotional and physical Genes tugging back & forth So many shared experiences.
The bond between partners Again, shared experiences Importantly, shared dreams A path mapped out together.
These links are assumed Though not always there Needing to be fed and watered Shrivelling if not maintained.
Care for another at the core But that is not enough Showing the love important Heart on the sleeve.
Sharing the strengths Appreciating the vulnerabilities Always being there Without overpowering their will.
Brian Matthews, 28/8/22
For my children On this my special day To all of you I say Thank you for your sentiments So much better than any presents.
Life is busy at your age More so than any other stage I did not fully realise it in the past Too busy working at the mast.
Time is fleeting so it’s said Best not waste it in your bed Though sleep is needed and to be enjoyed It’s also necessary to be employed.
In the constant work of life Engaging with others no matter the strife Showing love and concern Not allowing bridges to burn.
Brian Matthews, 28/8/22
Goodbye Normanville Beach Cafe So like a wake Free food and drink Tears and laughter A sense of disbelief.
People gathering to share Memories and anecdotes Friends joking and reconnecting But not at this place anymore.
The vocal few’s attempts foiled Realisation of this reality Now sinking in to those opposed Guilty now that they did not act.
But it has been obvious to most That this change was not wanted The glass castle envisaged And the debt now assured.
A Council that has not listened Claims that objectors are few Ensuring bad will in the future As rates rise yet again.
And in its wake a family Ravaged by these events To be replaced by Food Trucks All atmosphere gone.
Change is inevitable That we all know But casting aside loved assets Should be done with care.
No amount of argument Will convince all to agree But a decision bullied through Leaves a sour lingering taste.
Brian Matthews, 3-9-22
Father’s Day 2022 Four men at a table Sharing their lives Joking and laughing But the deep pain is there.
The time passes too quickly To a park they move Not dressed for the weather But difficult to draw apart.
Sharing tales of Sam The man no longer there Unwilling to end this time Returning to their families.
For he cannot do this Though his wife and children remember In a visit to his beach Writing in the sand.
The harsh edges of sorrow Gradually worn smoother By time and experience The roots of love expanding.
These times can be hard But losses are part of life We must rise from the ashes of grief Lest we betray the love of those lost.
Brian Matthews, 5-9-22
JOY Joy does not arrive with a fanfare, on a red carpet strewn with the flowers of a perfect life.
Joy sneaks in, as you pour a cup of coffee, watching the sun hit your favourite tree, just right.
And you usher joy away, because you are not ready for it. Your house is not as it must be, for such a distinguished guest.
But joy cares nothing for your messy home, or your bank-balance, or your waistline, you see.
Joy is supposed to slither through the cracks of your imperfect life, that’s how joy works.
You cannot invite her, you can only be ready when she appears.
An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
Audio of the segment
Grief Grief, a difficult concept No two griefs the same Individuals dealing differently All sharing the deepest pain.
Pulling selves up Climbing a hill each day One without a crest Continuing into the distance.
And what’s ahead so hazy The topography shifting Shapes blurry to the vision Emotions churning endlessly.
Part of us knows the curve will flatten The path ahead will take shape Deep feelings explored Answers no longer needed.
For if this doesn’t happen Bitterness creeps in Laying waste to the joy left Ignoring the “sparkling moments”.
When deep in this black hole All seems so pointless But smiles, comfort and love Can drag us into the light.
Brian Matthews, 1/8/22
A Young Mum Bereft A young mum bereft Two young children But a gaping absence.
How to move on alone? Friends and family Cannot fill this void.
Continuous reminders appear Aggravating the wound The emotions so raw.
A future so full of hope Now seems a landscape of despair All certainty stripped away.
Populate that scenario she will Nature abhors a vacuum Children’s needs calling.
But this pain should not be minimised Cutting so sharp and deep No easy answers forthcoming.
A different calm will appear One without his being Though always with his presence.
Brian Matthews, 29/7/22
The journey Surrounded by loved ones This is such a blessing Those with whom you share The pain of this loss.
Each grieving in their own way But each aware of the pain That others share with them Not knowing how to deal with this.
Focussing on the way ahead How to recover some joy Acknowledging what he gave us Knowing we’ll never see his like again.
He carved a path unique Saw the world in his own way Peered beyond the veil Unwrapped new truths.
For this I will always be thankful A novel view of the world A quirky way of looking At what is common to all.
Brian Matthews, 28/7/22
The Dust Settles The dust settles As it surely does After the storm.
The sun fights through Clouds previously impenetrable Now merely wisps.
Still cold the days A month before Spring More rain yet to fall.
And even in the midst of heat A cold front may appear Casting its temporary shroud.
Temperature goes up and down And so it always will Weather rarely constant.
A metaphor for life Nothing stays the same Change an eternal feature.
All that can be done Is to hold on firmly Seeking some stability.
Looking for hope That brightness will emerge Dispelling the settled gloom.
Brian Matthews, 27/7/22
Authenticity The reason my words I hide Is fear of showing who I am Opening myself to judgement Flirting with condemnation.
I like to scratch my crotch in the evening, Let out a loud belch or fart when alone, And too many other things I just cannot share with many.
But are these little secrets All that we fear examined? Not likely I suggest, It is really terror about all the rest.
The deep inner uncertainties, The feelings of guilt and shame. What if people truly knew What this well practiced mask obscures?
You are such a lovely bloke, Many people will say, My loved ones may cringe at this For they see more of who I am.
Sometimes I think it might be better, To wear a less appreciated face, A misogynistic old bastard, Or at least a grumpy mantle.
The latter I can at times be, The former just doesn’t fit me, I guess I will just continue To open up more as time goes on.
But something that I have learned, Is that authenticity can be misunderstood, Conveying a deep feeling to some, Is not always a wise practice.
Oh, that’s deep ‘professor’ Is something I’ve experienced, Or ‘I don’t have time like some To explore the issues you mention’.
I try to never chide another For sharing deep concerns. Owning your feelings is paramount, Examining them for clues.
But endless circling is fraught, With dangers contained in every thought, Pulling it out for momentary examination, Then stuffing it back to avoid the panic.
The fright in finding dark, dark parts, The face of self we like avoided. Confronting these bits is so important, Done with those we value and respect.
We all have frailties we prefer to hide, Real and imagined gaps and hollows. The only way to change and grow Is to weed and water the fallow soul.
Not every moment is needed for this task, As only focussing on long introspection, Avoids the joy that we might find, By examining the world and its direction.
Brian Matthews, 6/5/2020
In the Telling In the telling of a story, The story changes, How much and when Is never clear.
Questioning what has happened, Is it a function of ageing, Or a process of development? The outcome is the same.
No story is written in stone, Nor marble, wood, or concrete. To describe me like this forever, Is a mistake and must be disdained.
Brian Matthews, 11/3/19
Memories The Year Book’s out, I’m with a friend. This person, and that, This memory and not that.
How it tugs at you, The memories you have, Or not at all, It seems so strange.
Some things will stick, A face and name, And others it seems, You’ve not met at all.
Thus it is with memory, As with much of life, We’ve not truly experienced it, Without sharing something.
But memories which are shared, Are so often somewhat different. Objective reality seems a fantasy, As does objective truth.
Brian Matthews 11/3/19
A quotation to end the segment
“In my experience, nothing comes close to a mother’s grief at losing her child. It is a primal, terrible thing to see, a woman who has grown a child within the confines of her body, has birthed it in a ritual that comes as close to death as the living ever dare tread, and then lost it. Grief is not a competition, but if it were, this grief would win, hands down.
Close on its heels, though, is the grief of a father, of family, of anyone who has accepted responsibility for a little life, nurturing it and watching over it as it stretches out into the world.”
Dedicated to my son Sam (21/11/83 – 3/7/22) who passed away after a 10 month battle with a particularly vicious form of stomach cancer.
Audio recording of my reading of the poems below on Words to Share, with Jan Potter, on Happy FM, 90.1
Winter Comes Another winter comes around Leaves scattered on the ground Rain coming in waves Wind swirling in the eaves.
Darker the days will get yet Of that there can be no bet The cold chilling the bones The stomach churning full of stones.
And as the ground absorbs the water The sun peeks through to tease each daughter Sons, mothers and fathers too Each wrapping up as all will do.
And the Earth keeps revolving All who live on her constantly evolving Knowing that in the not distant future New life will come ever so pure.
The turn of the seasons is a sign That life continues so benign The cold and rain so sorely needed Prayers for this thankfully heeded.
Where would we be if all was fine If never, ever there came a time When gloom so regularly appeared To be rejoiced not feared.
For in but a few months we know Plants will bud and fruits will grow And the age-old cycle will once more Show coldness out the door.
Brian Matthews, 30/5/22
Bad News Again Some news so hard to process Learning that all will not be well That the strong young man we bore Is fighting a battle that can’t be won.
And to me he apologises So like the man he is Knowing that this news Is so bitter for those who love him.
And, having been through this before Watching another family member fade With a full realisation of the implications Impossible to hide from what this means.
My heart full of love for him Feeling so powerless in the face Of a brutal enemy that pervades all Turning all hope to ashes.
Wishing that this was not so That a solution may be found Knowing how unlikely this is The disease chewing him to pieces.
Finding any distraction that I can But nothing can override this The pain builds and mounts Blurring all around.
Brian Matthews, 30/5/22
A Short Walk
A short walk Such a meagre stroll To help get out of my head To chat and comment on the world.
Sky so blue Though plenty of clouds Sun peeking through valiantly A metaphor for my current life.
So little to rejoice about When plagued by uncertainty But joy exists I know for sure Recapturing that my current task.
Some photos received Of grandchildren with big smiles Lifting the mood for sure Promising brighter days ahead.
An afternoon appointment made Coffee and cake to be shared As well as the joys and woes of life For we all have those aplenty.
The Yin and Yang within us And outside us all around Sometimes a struggle profound At others peals of laughter rebound.
Without others we surely shrivel But at times we need to be alone Wallowing in solitary grief Dragged from this by family and friends.
It does little good to anyone If every day you hide away Losing connections so important Eschewing the joy of company.
Brian Matthews, 16-6-22
To Sam I said to you “I’ve run out of words” But that’s not entirely true.
So many remain The real task now Which to choose.
You know I love you And always will And regret I didn’t show this more.
Not in your life enough To know you as I should An emotion I know others feel too.
A private mantle you always wore A keen observer of all around True feelings shared with reserve.
Beneath this a solid core Of sensitivity and integrity And this you gave freely.
I seek for you peace The knowledge you have done your all To smooth the way ahead.
To leave this world richer For what you gave Your effect rippling on the sea of life.
You haven’t blindly blundered But taken careful steps A path of curiosity and joy.
You will leave behind you So many better for knowing you So many despairing for your loss.
You will live in our hearts Until our own flames flicker and dim Rejoicing in all you gave.
Brian Matthews, 26-6-22
The Light The light begins to shine The eyelids flutter open All is at peace with the world And then the harsh truths rush in.
It seems so strange To experience snippets of happiness Swiftly rent asunder When all is displayed.
The world continues to spin People go about their days While family and my friends Attempt to see the light.
Railing against this useless Though we do it just the same Weeping for our dearly beloved one Who did not deserve this blight.
His bravery at this time An example for us all He weeps for those he loves Reflects on the life he’s had.
Regrets can come thick and fast But I know those harshest to him Not seeing his lovely children grow Not present for the challenges they face.
He’ll live on we all know In the hearts of kin and mates Forever providing a glow For all who knew him to follow.
Brian Matthews, 28-6-22
The Parenting Path The parenting path twists and turns During infancy such high demands Adulthood a different matter.
We stand aside and let them go Always full of concern About choices and their families.
For some things we can help But know we must Their lives are their own doing.
And yet children they remain to us Visions of tears and scrapes Accomplishments and challenges.
Intrude on them at our peril For they need their independence To make mistakes and achieve.
No easy answers are revealed Context as parents limited Their thoughts and aspirations veiled.
Sharing with us what they will Including us as they determine Never quite enough for most of us.
And snippets we may see At family gatherings or holidays Of what our child has become.
Rarely will they tell us all Remnants of the past continue Blurring the reality of the present.
Brian Matthews, 30-6-22
For Sam Walking along the road of life So often holes appear Some mere bumps Others such deep crevices.
One so deep now appears I hardly see across Nor a way to go around Its dark, dark depths.
And I know it is also so For so many others in his realm Casting around for ways to be Things that might comfort.
Or distract from the present Anything to take the mind away From the harsh reality Growing and festering by the day.
We all know ways will appear To circumvent the black pit But only time can bring this Not healing, but soothing the pain.
And evermore it will remain The proverbial hole in the heart The joy of his presence forever taken The light he brought always remaining.
Sam, the 3rd of my 4 sons, is a truly lovely young man (38) with a wife and 2 children who is dying from peritoneal cancer. His bowel is almost totally obstructed and he hasn’t eaten much in a week. Can’t drink either. Yesterday, Sam said “I’m not going to just sit here waiting to die” and went surfing with the help of some friends and his wife. You gotta admire his guts
“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt
This resonated with me because I have asked so many people in difficult situations, and heard others ask this too, “I don’t understand how you are managing to cope with this” and the reply is always something like “what’s the alternative?”
Of course, there is an alternative, collapse in a blubbering heap and, sometimes this happens but usually it is brief and maybe cathartic. Inevitably, people take the next step, and then the next, and, before they know it, they’re taking some sort of action.
It’s called Human Resilience and, while malevolent forces may crush this, any small window and a flame of hope will be fanned again.
It is always such a joy to have visits from friends or family. Some friends are much like family with lengthy histories and tales to share. Having just had such a visit from friends of my wife’s family, I wrote this short poem:
Friends and Family
Such a special time Visits from family Or long-standing friends.
The latter so often More like family than friends Shared history so important.
Memories cheerfully shared Of happenings so long ago Events that tie and bind.
New memories being created At this time now shared Special meals a common bond.
Talk of relationships unknown Clarifying the how and where Filling in important pieces.
And then the time to go comes Sadly joyful moments these Hopeful that all will meet again.
Knowing that whatever happens These are special people Who celebrate and validate.
Farewell to our special visitors May your travels go well Our futures firmly intertwined.