I’m a retired psychologist and academic who enjoys the outdoors (sailing a 4.3 metre catamaran, long walks in the country and on our nearby beach, gardening), reading, writing poems and, at times, stories. I’m married, have five children and 10 grandchildren and am involved in a number of community groups (sailing club, choir, Show Society and others)
As there is a break in my regular poetry readings, I thought I’d put up a few things that I have written with a bit of commentary.
Christmas was a tough time for my family; the first since we lost our beloved Sam, and some of us (including me) got a dose of Covid-19 as an added feature. The first time for me, though most others have had it before. I certainly found it a levelling experience, not as bad as some flus I’ve had in the past but the aching and lack of motivation were debilitating for a time. Not too many respiratory symptoms for me, though a croaky throat still persists.
So, I wrote the following poem about Covid for Christmas:
An Unwelcome Present
So, Covid for Christmas No joy in that The sniffles and aches Coughing and low energy.
Day 4 now and still The symptoms persist Though managed by pills And enforced rest.
I’ve had worse in the past Or so I think But probably best not to compare Until it’s run its course.
The strangest feeling yet Like a good kick to the crotch Part of the aches and pains All effects very individual.
My wife coughing more And losing her taste While I just doze And self dose for the headaches.
But, marginally better today And hopefully all good soon Thankful that not badly affected As so many have been.
Brian Matthews, 30-12-22
A few days after Christmas we finally had some very hot weather and I had to write about this as the strange weather patterns in Australia persist. In line with recent patterns, summer then disappeared again but has made a few comebacks since and I even got slightly sunburnt yesterday after a few hours at the local beach and inadequate sunscreen application. This doesn’t happen to me often as I have olive skin from some of my Maltese ancestors and I usually carefully apply lots of sunscreen and keep out of the sun at the worst times. But, I usually don’t sit on the beach for hours without a tshirt and so the back, stomach, and shoulders are smarting a little.
Summer’s Finally Here
The temperature in the high 30s The heat creeping in everywhere Not until after Christmas But arriving at last.
Young grandkids on a bouncy castle Able to turn the water on finally Exhausting themselves bouncing Sliding and splashing, of course.
Energy gone after a few hours As the peak of the heat reached Watermelon and drinks not enough The cool of the house sought.
After some lunch, a nap/rest The batteries will recharge The outside sought again And so the cycle goes.
Brian Matthews, 27-12-22
And, as seems to happen with me recently, I had a brief Haiku spurt. one prompted by my 6 year old grandson Jack’s fixation on a new device he received recently and the second from the observation of our old dog, Riley’s, clear disdain for the high level activity of our grandchildren:
Concentration deep Staring at the device’s screen – But still shares his score
The old small dog rests Watching the children askance – When will peace return
I think Riley’s expression and body language says it all
An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
Today’s readings dedicated to Ryder Matthews, one of my grandsons.
Happy birthday Ryder!!
So Ryder’s 10 today! His party already over Most presents received.
A bit boring I guess To have nothing special on But Pop and BaBa send their love
Thinking of the little baby he was How fast he’s grown Too soon launching into the world.
So many will think of you On this your special day Hugs aplenty come Christmas.
Love from Pop & BaBa
20-12-22
A Council Meeting Such careful adherence To rules of order So many terms repeated My eyes glaze over.
The dynamics interesting Group against group Denying a team effort The optimal outcome.
The Chair manages well Juggling the competing views A very difficult task No solution pleasing all.
Can there be a way? To put the past aside Or at least the emotions Bubbling forth at will.
Can the goals be agreed? A path laid ahead The ways to reach this accepted The community kept informed
Time only will tell How the process moves Whether enough good will Can be garnered by all.
Suffering from certainty On one side or the other Can only detract from the outcome Ensuring time is wasted.
Transparency a noble aim Though difficult to achieve Let’s hope for some semblance of this In our District’s future.
Brian Matthews, 29-11-22
Politics Reimagined It is so heartwarming to see A Prime Minister we can respect Reviewing his government’s achievements In six short months.
While those on the other side Scowl and grumble Their former leader now pilloried And covered in shame.
No government is perfect But the former one is under a cloud Preference for big business apparent Concern for individuals absent.
May we stride forward with pride Amending laws as needed To encourage prosperity for all And social justice for those in need.
A balance in views always needed Regardless of where you stand But the goal should always be clear Equity and a voice for all.
Brian Matthews 2-12-22
Not a Perfect Man And on this day I reflect My Father’s birthday comes again 99 he would have been But 34 years since he passed.
I wonder what he would have thought About a world connected as it is Yet simultaneously disconnected As age old rivalries persist.
He would have still enjoyed a beer Friendships and family to the fore Enjoying the laughter of his kin Taking each day as if his last.
Taken too, too young he was Never to see his grandchildren grow Yet a powerful legacy left Of a warm and generous man.
And yet not all would agree Those who could not see Beyond an, at times, brash exterior To the warmth and love within.
So grateful that I grew to know him The love and respect beneath the shell But most did this understand His actions drowning his words.
A harsh life having made him wary Of showing the softness within His deep, deep concern His generosity and love.
Not a perfect man But a cut above most I think There for me whenever needed And for many others it was so.
Brian Matthews, 13-12-22
Counting the Cost
Sitting in a camp ground Trying out our new van The end of the river high But nowhere near its peak.
So many people displaced Crops lost aplenty Stock shifted to higher ground Houses and shacks flooded.
Months yet till the floods recede Then a huge cleanup to come Until all restored to as it was Sharing tales of what was lost.
And so it is in our wild land A place of such extremes Nature gives in such abundance Then whips it away in a flash.
Planning for such events Beyond our feeble capacities The weather, at times, has its way Leaving so many to count the cost.
People cleaning and rebuilding Crops replanted and stock replenished And I sit here pondering While not affected I feel the loss.
Brian Matthews, 13/12/22
Christmas Poem Christmas comes once a year The prelude well extended While bells ring in the background And the cash registers resound.
A time of family for many And friends for others A rare person where No family/friend are present.
Sometimes family get togethers Are uncomfortable for some But a time of joy for most Just being with loved ones enough.
And the children Ah, the children…. Christmas excitement at the fore Revelling in the little rituals
I hope all will enjoy others At this special time When work is put aside for most And we focus on our kin.
Brian Matthews, 19-12-22
Some Haiku
After some sailing A shower so welcome now – Washing the salt off
The small dog jumps down Too far his beloved Mum – Dispenser of all
Thinking of a meal In active preparation – Taste buds soon will sing
The chilly wind blows Clouds obscure the sun again – Summer has hidden
Waiting on the phone Recorded message repeats – Reading a book helps
Hearing another Reveal their tribulations – Pleasing that it helps
Thinking of sailing Such a slow day yesterday – But still such good fun
Bugga the Annex It is too hard to put up – Have a beer instead
Rites of Passage At a country pub Quite a crowd Kids all squeaky clean Hair combed and good clothes
Turns out a primary school graduation No such thing in my day Shown the door promptly And kicked into the high school wasteland
Maybe a tradition stolen From our American cousins Or just a natural evolution Children more praised now.
Rites of passage change As time marches on And our world with it The happy children absorb it all.
Brian Matthews 12/12/22
Another bit of Haiku I squeezed in
The bin sits lonely It’s lid slightly misaligned – A pong if opened.
A quote to end my session..
DCI Thursday, Thames Valley Police Endeavour, Season 8, end of Episode 3
Sun always comes up. Just gotta hold on for it for a bit longer sometimes, is all.
An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
J Ward
A visit to a gaol That then served as an asylum Barbaric treatment of the vulnerable Not so distant in our past.
When a gaol The destitute sentenced For no real crime Other than their poverty.
When an asylum Those different hidden away And even though attempts at compassion Life so different from others.
Until the very old man freed To be found on the doorstep Where else would I go? That world is strange to me.
So many of these maladies Now curable or treatable But rejecting differences Still deeply ingrained in most.
Brian Matthews, 10-10-22
Extremes
The sun is shining Bird calls everywhere The flowers bloom Bees buzzing furiously.
Spring well and truly here The cold and wet now memories The heat poised and ready The cycle comes again.
And yet in the East The rain still falls The rivers still swell A flooded Murray imminent.
A country with such extremes Neighbours poised to help Not knowing who is next Nature never still for long.
Hard to remember the long, long droughts Though sure they’ll come again Fairy tale weather cannot last Though enjoyable when it appears.
Brian Matthews, 22/10/22
A family gathers
A family get together A birthday party this time Little Jack’s six already Such a lovely, sweet boy.
The bread and dips scoffed Laughter and drinks consumed Banter around the table Children playing happily.
Some tears inevitably appear But just a little accident And the fun and games reappear Conversations rolling on.
Though an unseasonal wet day The afternoon gently unfolds The company enjoyable Joy an inevitable feature.
The barbecue to top it off Sausages and chicken tasty And so it slowly winds down Guests departing amidst smiles and hugs.
Little events so meaningful Bonds acknowledged and strengthened Tales shared and re-shared Thankful that we will do it again.
Brian Matthews, 25/10/22
A Fashion Parade
A fashion parade Fundraiser at the bowls club Our Choir providing a few songs
Fun had by all Elegant, mature women Strutting their stuff
Designs from the Op Shop Culled from generous donations Giving new life to the previously loved
And so communities act Drawing all together Making events out of the every day.
And people leave with a spring in their steps Relationships re-shaped and re-forged Reminded of the social needs we all share.
Brian Matthews, 25-10-22
Barbara’s Birthday 2022
Another birthday is here To give my darling cheer So, happy birthday is due May it be a joy to you.
A year of turmoil and loss The universe not giving a toss But, fun has certainly been had Not much from me, my bad.
I promise in the year to come This will change if it can be done A time of travel, fun and a laugh Wrapped around you like a scarf.
So, to you I send all my love And my hopes that from above Good times will again rain down Laughter replacing the long frown.
Brian Matthews 27/10/22
Below is a poem a friend (Mark Reimers) wrote:
I wrote this for the occasion of Jason’s 40th birthday.
I first met Jason when he was a young child approximately 40 years ago.
The invitation:
Lying there like a Moonah tree, on the shore of Swan Lake, your twisted limbs confronted me…
lying there needing assistance to reposition and move I intuit your discomfort…
Lying there unable to speak your eyes communicate more than words ever could…
Lying there you look at me ,you REALLY look at me, and in your eyes there are questions
Lying there your look invites connection, free from the conventions of words rather than asking and the usual banter of where do you live?What do you do? And Implied questioning of your net worth, do you own your home are you renting? Are you married?what do you do?
Rather than that, your look asks…
Do you see me?
Are you vulnerable enough to connect with me?
Will you commune with me?
Can you sit with me?
And as I process this inquisitive intent, communicated in a single, complex look of expectation you beam at me and I am drawn in to your world
I connect, but I am aware that others reject you, and you have taught me to accept rejection with such good grace as you continue to, with each new encounter, invite connection
Being with you, and bathing in your full bodied smile always delights
Thanks for being my teacher about connection and relationships
Happy Birthday to you Jason
Mark Reimers 2022
My Sister’s Birthday
I got it wrong Phoning my sister the day before But we had a good chat And it reduced the traffic on the day.
Sibling relationships important Though commonly fraught With baggage from the past Some things difficult to change.
Sometimes growing apart over time Memories of the past obscuring The relationship in the present Gnawing old, old bones.
But value her I do Though apart for lengthy periods Work and family limiting contact But there for each other when needed.
Acceptance of difference critical Joining in support of our Mother Leaning on each other In her slow and painful decline.
Knowing that she was there for me During the illness and death of my Son Accepting her sincere prayers Though faithless myself.
It is such a shame That these connections Do not always survive Life’s confusion and misread intentions.
But accept this we must And rejoice in that which remains The love and support of another Whose knowledge of you is unique.
What we can control in life Is our love freely given And to Margy I offer this With best wishes for her special day.
Brian Matthews, 1/11/22
Reflections on the verandah
Sitting on the verandah The spring day warming Bird life in full song Thinking of the weekend past.
Heart warming voices of grandchildren Splashing in the water While Pop drifts on the sea A lovely day for all else.
The sailors congregate on the shore Welcome activity after a long break Sorting out minor challenges Hopeful the wind will lift.
Alas, it does not Just enough puff there To complete two races Then relax a while on the beach.
And the corellas squawk by Reminding of the season Stating, we are here again To feed and breed.
Cars pass by, tires swooshing The hum of a mower blending in The smell of so many flowers Has Spring sprung this time?
Brian Matthews, 7/11/22
The Sky opens
Thought Spring had sprung Then clouds loomed again And water sheeted from the sky Gutters not coping anymore.
Photos and videos appear Of areas swamped Buckets and mops in use A rare person with no incursion.
Hours spent cleaning up And normality achieved Then another day brings more Downpour after downpour.
Such unusual weather here The long dry so prominent Old timers scratch their heads Few having seen the likes of this.
Easing off it surely must And eventually just showers But more grief for many Counting the storms’ cost.
Wishing again for milder times Sunshine and lighter showers Plants bursting forth Water both friend and enemy.
Brian Matthews, 13/11/22
Sam’s Birthday
He would have been 39 Such a force of nature Wrapped in a quiet cloak.
All who loved him Today will grieve Reality strikes yet again.
The roller coaster of emotion Continuing still unabated His face still smiling.
Our dear Sam still lives In the hearts of so many Leaves a deep, deep hole.
Today I remember him As every day I do Sending love to the stars.
Brian Matthews 21-11-22
Quotation from a recently read book
“There is this quote from Caesar that speaks to me,” he said, and then, looking into Sanya’s eyes, he said softly, “What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also.”
This piece was written for the Six Sentence Challenge, with the prompt word of ‘structure’. What the hell it means I have no idea. 😉
To describe what Jerry had built as a ‘structure’ strained the definition to breaking point and made Escher’s multi-dimensional fantasies seem like a housing project blueprint in comparison.
The foundations, to the extent that they existed at all, consisted of a tissue of lies laid haphazardly on top of the quicksand of his adolescent fantasies of transcending his mundane suburban origins.
The walls seemed like Japanese-style internal sliders but were made of little more than recycled pizza boxes covered in a decoupage of graduation certificates, attendance records, little athletics participation ribbons and degrees purchased from the Oxbridge Online University.
The floors (or, more correctly, flaws) comprised remaindered books rescued from a rubbish skip, including ‘The Wit and Wisdom of Donald Trump’, ‘1001 Ways With…
An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
To Sarah
To Sarah I say Get on with your day Avoid nagging your man Just because you can.
A tipple or two Makes sure you’re not blue A joke could be included Unless totally deluded.
Spread that smile around Helping others to ground Always there to help another While others just don’t bother.
Brian Matthews, 30-8-22
Time with My Son Some time with my son, Todd Sharing of feelings and ideas Positive energy transferred.
A feeling of fire in my belly Admiring his grasp of life Hoping some of this came from me.
So rare these times When we share freely Memories bounce around.
It will live long with me And I think with him A special, special time.
Brian Matthews, 11/9/22
Haiku
I can’t do haiku It’s really difficult Think I shall give up
Original, Author Unknown Amended to fit the 5-7-5 by Brian Matthews, 7-10-22
Around wattles bloom While still green surrounds us all Reminding me of my son
See the stringy trees The smells of nature so rich Birds ever present
The long dead tree leans Branches reaching to the sky And yet it still stands
A gentle breeze blows The insects play in the dam I sit and reflect
Tiny blueish flowers Such small stars dotted around Stating we are here
The roo bounds slowly In no hurry to arrive Seeking who knows what
The bee floats along From one flower to the next Nothing else required
Sitting on a log Surrounded by nature’s sounds – Subtle fragrances
Standing by a tree Enjoying a quiet wee- Yet hidden I hope
The colours flit by Disappearing into trees- But not the blue wren
The sun is warming The heat shared by everyone- Then the cool wind blows
How often I felt The need to grieve suppressed- So, for what purpose?
Brian Matthews, 29/9/22
And the rain comes down Over an inch each day now – The tent overwhelmed again
Brian Matthews, 13-10-22
The sun emerges Ah, the sun at last After so much rain Even experienced campers With good equipment Come undone when the skies open.
Part of the problem Setting up in heavy rain Tent pegs poorly placed Interior of the tent saturated And still the tempest continued
Once the rain reduced The structures tweaked Excess liquid mopped up A heater happily enlisted And calm and comfort achieved.
And now with some sunshine A relaxing walk is possible Riley, our dog, snuffling smells Bounding around with joy Absorbing nature’s changes.
A metaphor for life in general As we delight in the pleasures After challenges and hardship Always knowing deep in our hearts To experience happiness we need pain.
Brian Matthews, 7-10-22.
Variety Miles and miles of gums Misshapen and straggly Rolling fields of grain And bright canola crops.
Such a vast country The road unfurling The space between towns Taking hours to travel.
Silos painted skilfully A huge stick house Built for grain storage The size just unbelievable
All this interspersed By regional centres Both big and small The rich earth abundant.
And areas so often beset By the long, long dry Now experiencing the opposite A time of flooding rains.
Such variety our country has To both displace and feed its fauna To give hope then despair Reminding people of their limited control.
But after rain there is always sun After despair hope lingers still As long as we can cling on Better times will appear.
Brian Matthews, 13-10-22
A quote from a recently read book
“Of all the exams that she had sat over the years, her A levels had been the most stressful. She had truly believed that her entire life was on the line, that if she failed to get the grades to take the next step then everything would be ruined and her life would be over. How naïve and over-dramatic that felt now, but at the time she had been convinced it was right.”
An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
An audio recording of the segment
For Erin Words are all I have To explain and comfort To help map a way ahead.
But now they fail me No directions appearing Support feeling superficial.
I wish I could do something Nothing now appearing The future a blur.
A brave young woman Children by her side Taking one step at a time.
And so it must be For others can’t direct Or choose her path.
All who know her Would unreservedly agree She has the wherewithal.
But the challenges abound Rearing their heads The expected and unexpected.
Standing alone now Lonely in the crowd The sounding board silent.
And yet a whisper exists The things Sam said and felt The love not lost.
Brian Matthews, 24-8-22
A night out Such fun to be here Live music and dancing Songs in the air Jostling with the laughter.
Smiling faces all around An affirmation of life Not just stewing at home Gnawing the bone of grief.
Snippets of conversation No subject too lengthy Living in the now Shaking the old bones.
A refreshing change An important reminder Of the need for joy Fertiliser for the soul.
Brian Matthews, 28/8/22
The link The bond between parent and child Emotional and physical Genes tugging back & forth So many shared experiences.
The bond between partners Again, shared experiences Importantly, shared dreams A path mapped out together.
These links are assumed Though not always there Needing to be fed and watered Shrivelling if not maintained.
Care for another at the core But that is not enough Showing the love important Heart on the sleeve.
Sharing the strengths Appreciating the vulnerabilities Always being there Without overpowering their will.
Brian Matthews, 28/8/22
For my children On this my special day To all of you I say Thank you for your sentiments So much better than any presents.
Life is busy at your age More so than any other stage I did not fully realise it in the past Too busy working at the mast.
Time is fleeting so it’s said Best not waste it in your bed Though sleep is needed and to be enjoyed It’s also necessary to be employed.
In the constant work of life Engaging with others no matter the strife Showing love and concern Not allowing bridges to burn.
Brian Matthews, 28/8/22
Goodbye Normanville Beach Cafe So like a wake Free food and drink Tears and laughter A sense of disbelief.
People gathering to share Memories and anecdotes Friends joking and reconnecting But not at this place anymore.
The vocal few’s attempts foiled Realisation of this reality Now sinking in to those opposed Guilty now that they did not act.
But it has been obvious to most That this change was not wanted The glass castle envisaged And the debt now assured.
A Council that has not listened Claims that objectors are few Ensuring bad will in the future As rates rise yet again.
And in its wake a family Ravaged by these events To be replaced by Food Trucks All atmosphere gone.
Change is inevitable That we all know But casting aside loved assets Should be done with care.
No amount of argument Will convince all to agree But a decision bullied through Leaves a sour lingering taste.
Brian Matthews, 3-9-22
Father’s Day 2022 Four men at a table Sharing their lives Joking and laughing But the deep pain is there.
The time passes too quickly To a park they move Not dressed for the weather But difficult to draw apart.
Sharing tales of Sam The man no longer there Unwilling to end this time Returning to their families.
For he cannot do this Though his wife and children remember In a visit to his beach Writing in the sand.
The harsh edges of sorrow Gradually worn smoother By time and experience The roots of love expanding.
These times can be hard But losses are part of life We must rise from the ashes of grief Lest we betray the love of those lost.
Brian Matthews, 5-9-22
JOY Joy does not arrive with a fanfare, on a red carpet strewn with the flowers of a perfect life.
Joy sneaks in, as you pour a cup of coffee, watching the sun hit your favourite tree, just right.
And you usher joy away, because you are not ready for it. Your house is not as it must be, for such a distinguished guest.
But joy cares nothing for your messy home, or your bank-balance, or your waistline, you see.
Joy is supposed to slither through the cracks of your imperfect life, that’s how joy works.
You cannot invite her, you can only be ready when she appears.
An audio recording of my readings on the Words to Share segment with Jan Potter on Happy FM, https://www.radio901.com.au/ and the details of my readings.
Audio of the segment
Grief Grief, a difficult concept No two griefs the same Individuals dealing differently All sharing the deepest pain.
Pulling selves up Climbing a hill each day One without a crest Continuing into the distance.
And what’s ahead so hazy The topography shifting Shapes blurry to the vision Emotions churning endlessly.
Part of us knows the curve will flatten The path ahead will take shape Deep feelings explored Answers no longer needed.
For if this doesn’t happen Bitterness creeps in Laying waste to the joy left Ignoring the “sparkling moments”.
When deep in this black hole All seems so pointless But smiles, comfort and love Can drag us into the light.
Brian Matthews, 1/8/22
A Young Mum Bereft A young mum bereft Two young children But a gaping absence.
How to move on alone? Friends and family Cannot fill this void.
Continuous reminders appear Aggravating the wound The emotions so raw.
A future so full of hope Now seems a landscape of despair All certainty stripped away.
Populate that scenario she will Nature abhors a vacuum Children’s needs calling.
But this pain should not be minimised Cutting so sharp and deep No easy answers forthcoming.
A different calm will appear One without his being Though always with his presence.
Brian Matthews, 29/7/22
The journey Surrounded by loved ones This is such a blessing Those with whom you share The pain of this loss.
Each grieving in their own way But each aware of the pain That others share with them Not knowing how to deal with this.
Focussing on the way ahead How to recover some joy Acknowledging what he gave us Knowing we’ll never see his like again.
He carved a path unique Saw the world in his own way Peered beyond the veil Unwrapped new truths.
For this I will always be thankful A novel view of the world A quirky way of looking At what is common to all.
Brian Matthews, 28/7/22
The Dust Settles The dust settles As it surely does After the storm.
The sun fights through Clouds previously impenetrable Now merely wisps.
Still cold the days A month before Spring More rain yet to fall.
And even in the midst of heat A cold front may appear Casting its temporary shroud.
Temperature goes up and down And so it always will Weather rarely constant.
A metaphor for life Nothing stays the same Change an eternal feature.
All that can be done Is to hold on firmly Seeking some stability.
Looking for hope That brightness will emerge Dispelling the settled gloom.
Brian Matthews, 27/7/22
Authenticity The reason my words I hide Is fear of showing who I am Opening myself to judgement Flirting with condemnation.
I like to scratch my crotch in the evening, Let out a loud belch or fart when alone, And too many other things I just cannot share with many.
But are these little secrets All that we fear examined? Not likely I suggest, It is really terror about all the rest.
The deep inner uncertainties, The feelings of guilt and shame. What if people truly knew What this well practiced mask obscures?
You are such a lovely bloke, Many people will say, My loved ones may cringe at this For they see more of who I am.
Sometimes I think it might be better, To wear a less appreciated face, A misogynistic old bastard, Or at least a grumpy mantle.
The latter I can at times be, The former just doesn’t fit me, I guess I will just continue To open up more as time goes on.
But something that I have learned, Is that authenticity can be misunderstood, Conveying a deep feeling to some, Is not always a wise practice.
Oh, that’s deep ‘professor’ Is something I’ve experienced, Or ‘I don’t have time like some To explore the issues you mention’.
I try to never chide another For sharing deep concerns. Owning your feelings is paramount, Examining them for clues.
But endless circling is fraught, With dangers contained in every thought, Pulling it out for momentary examination, Then stuffing it back to avoid the panic.
The fright in finding dark, dark parts, The face of self we like avoided. Confronting these bits is so important, Done with those we value and respect.
We all have frailties we prefer to hide, Real and imagined gaps and hollows. The only way to change and grow Is to weed and water the fallow soul.
Not every moment is needed for this task, As only focussing on long introspection, Avoids the joy that we might find, By examining the world and its direction.
Brian Matthews, 6/5/2020
In the Telling In the telling of a story, The story changes, How much and when Is never clear.
Questioning what has happened, Is it a function of ageing, Or a process of development? The outcome is the same.
No story is written in stone, Nor marble, wood, or concrete. To describe me like this forever, Is a mistake and must be disdained.
Brian Matthews, 11/3/19
Memories The Year Book’s out, I’m with a friend. This person, and that, This memory and not that.
How it tugs at you, The memories you have, Or not at all, It seems so strange.
Some things will stick, A face and name, And others it seems, You’ve not met at all.
Thus it is with memory, As with much of life, We’ve not truly experienced it, Without sharing something.
But memories which are shared, Are so often somewhat different. Objective reality seems a fantasy, As does objective truth.
Brian Matthews 11/3/19
A quotation to end the segment
“In my experience, nothing comes close to a mother’s grief at losing her child. It is a primal, terrible thing to see, a woman who has grown a child within the confines of her body, has birthed it in a ritual that comes as close to death as the living ever dare tread, and then lost it. Grief is not a competition, but if it were, this grief would win, hands down.
Close on its heels, though, is the grief of a father, of family, of anyone who has accepted responsibility for a little life, nurturing it and watching over it as it stretches out into the world.”
Dedicated to my son Sam (21/11/83 – 3/7/22) who passed away after a 10 month battle with a particularly vicious form of stomach cancer.
Audio recording of my reading of the poems below on Words to Share, with Jan Potter, on Happy FM, 90.1
Winter Comes Another winter comes around Leaves scattered on the ground Rain coming in waves Wind swirling in the eaves.
Darker the days will get yet Of that there can be no bet The cold chilling the bones The stomach churning full of stones.
And as the ground absorbs the water The sun peeks through to tease each daughter Sons, mothers and fathers too Each wrapping up as all will do.
And the Earth keeps revolving All who live on her constantly evolving Knowing that in the not distant future New life will come ever so pure.
The turn of the seasons is a sign That life continues so benign The cold and rain so sorely needed Prayers for this thankfully heeded.
Where would we be if all was fine If never, ever there came a time When gloom so regularly appeared To be rejoiced not feared.
For in but a few months we know Plants will bud and fruits will grow And the age-old cycle will once more Show coldness out the door.
Brian Matthews, 30/5/22
Bad News Again Some news so hard to process Learning that all will not be well That the strong young man we bore Is fighting a battle that can’t be won.
And to me he apologises So like the man he is Knowing that this news Is so bitter for those who love him.
And, having been through this before Watching another family member fade With a full realisation of the implications Impossible to hide from what this means.
My heart full of love for him Feeling so powerless in the face Of a brutal enemy that pervades all Turning all hope to ashes.
Wishing that this was not so That a solution may be found Knowing how unlikely this is The disease chewing him to pieces.
Finding any distraction that I can But nothing can override this The pain builds and mounts Blurring all around.
Brian Matthews, 30/5/22
A Short Walk
A short walk Such a meagre stroll To help get out of my head To chat and comment on the world.
Sky so blue Though plenty of clouds Sun peeking through valiantly A metaphor for my current life.
So little to rejoice about When plagued by uncertainty But joy exists I know for sure Recapturing that my current task.
Some photos received Of grandchildren with big smiles Lifting the mood for sure Promising brighter days ahead.
An afternoon appointment made Coffee and cake to be shared As well as the joys and woes of life For we all have those aplenty.
The Yin and Yang within us And outside us all around Sometimes a struggle profound At others peals of laughter rebound.
Without others we surely shrivel But at times we need to be alone Wallowing in solitary grief Dragged from this by family and friends.
It does little good to anyone If every day you hide away Losing connections so important Eschewing the joy of company.
Brian Matthews, 16-6-22
To Sam I said to you “I’ve run out of words” But that’s not entirely true.
So many remain The real task now Which to choose.
You know I love you And always will And regret I didn’t show this more.
Not in your life enough To know you as I should An emotion I know others feel too.
A private mantle you always wore A keen observer of all around True feelings shared with reserve.
Beneath this a solid core Of sensitivity and integrity And this you gave freely.
I seek for you peace The knowledge you have done your all To smooth the way ahead.
To leave this world richer For what you gave Your effect rippling on the sea of life.
You haven’t blindly blundered But taken careful steps A path of curiosity and joy.
You will leave behind you So many better for knowing you So many despairing for your loss.
You will live in our hearts Until our own flames flicker and dim Rejoicing in all you gave.
Brian Matthews, 26-6-22
The Light The light begins to shine The eyelids flutter open All is at peace with the world And then the harsh truths rush in.
It seems so strange To experience snippets of happiness Swiftly rent asunder When all is displayed.
The world continues to spin People go about their days While family and my friends Attempt to see the light.
Railing against this useless Though we do it just the same Weeping for our dearly beloved one Who did not deserve this blight.
His bravery at this time An example for us all He weeps for those he loves Reflects on the life he’s had.
Regrets can come thick and fast But I know those harshest to him Not seeing his lovely children grow Not present for the challenges they face.
He’ll live on we all know In the hearts of kin and mates Forever providing a glow For all who knew him to follow.
Brian Matthews, 28-6-22
The Parenting Path The parenting path twists and turns During infancy such high demands Adulthood a different matter.
We stand aside and let them go Always full of concern About choices and their families.
For some things we can help But know we must Their lives are their own doing.
And yet children they remain to us Visions of tears and scrapes Accomplishments and challenges.
Intrude on them at our peril For they need their independence To make mistakes and achieve.
No easy answers are revealed Context as parents limited Their thoughts and aspirations veiled.
Sharing with us what they will Including us as they determine Never quite enough for most of us.
And snippets we may see At family gatherings or holidays Of what our child has become.
Rarely will they tell us all Remnants of the past continue Blurring the reality of the present.
Brian Matthews, 30-6-22
For Sam Walking along the road of life So often holes appear Some mere bumps Others such deep crevices.
One so deep now appears I hardly see across Nor a way to go around Its dark, dark depths.
And I know it is also so For so many others in his realm Casting around for ways to be Things that might comfort.
Or distract from the present Anything to take the mind away From the harsh reality Growing and festering by the day.
We all know ways will appear To circumvent the black pit But only time can bring this Not healing, but soothing the pain.
And evermore it will remain The proverbial hole in the heart The joy of his presence forever taken The light he brought always remaining.
Brian’s Reflections 