My wife, Barbara, came across this note that I attached to her car 25 years ago:

To and Fro

I wait for my darling 
For she is on the run
I wait and wait
But she does not come. 

I look forward so
To when I next see her
So happy and witty 
What a pleasure!

Brian 6/2/98

Sometimes I forget if and where I’ve shared things. Here are a few I don’t think I’ve posted here before but, then, repetition is an effective teaching strategy 😀

I don’t think my self esteem was at its highest when I wrote this:

Cancellation
 
Cancellation, a word so fine
Erasing everything of mine
Look around and you will see
That nothing now belongs to me..
 
Or never did
As behind various roles I hid
But cancelled these are now
Having long taken my final bow…
 
Though questions for me still remain
Teasing at my tortured brain
Did I do enough of this and that?
Was my weave just senseless tat?
 
Self-doubt seems wherever you look
The confident, the proud, in every nook
Our history shaped by what we’ve done
Put it aside and have some fun.
 
Attempting this time of life to enjoy
Not seeking out the latest toy
Building depth in what you’ve gained
Not just acting as you’ve been trained.
 
So, cancellation may not be a bad thing
Looking back on what to bring
Into another stage of life
Only certain there’s sure to be strife
 
Brian Matthews, 28-2-23

And this didn’t seem like a good time either:

An existential crisis

When all seems empty 
No zest for life apparent 
Gazing into the future a waste 
All barren and lifeless. 

You’ve had these times before 
And have survived intact 
Learned unexpected lessons 
Recaptured the joy around you. 

And yet this feels different 
Watching others become feeble 
Those who before stood tall
Reduced in body and mind. 

Knowing this will be me
In a time not far away 
A burden to my family 
Difficult to spend time with. 

I would like to think
This is the bottom of a trough 
The wave soon to lift me up
Smiles and laughing regained. 

But a pall descends ahead 
Obscuring what may be
Muting attempts to be positive 
Shading any light. 

I hope this passes soon
That I can embrace life again 
But in this moment that I cannot see
All seems mired in gloom. 

Brian Matthews. 16-3-23

Maybe this is a bit better?

Noises

The bins roll out
The water flows
So many noises
Surround unremarkable lives.
 
And remarkable ones too
But, regardless, it all rolls on
Activity and tasks necessary
To get through the day.
 
Dog claws clatter on the floor
A kitchen appliance whines
Its staccato offerings
Showing that it’s on task.
 
I float like flotsam
On these waves of sound
Mind circling endlessly
Roiling thoughts abounding.
 
Yet no real sense,
No real meaning
Just background chatter
The stutter of life.
 
Brian Matthews, 26/3/23

So, the good weather petered out (not before I’d written a poem) and we’ve had a few days of rain and wind – not pleasant. But, we’ve stayed warm, fed, and beveraged and will tomorrow head for home.

This coincided with one of my grandson’s birthdays so that deserved a poem along with a finishing holidays one:

The Holiday Finishes

The sun shines again
The breeze cool, though
Still an unwintry winter’s day. 

The day planned out
A trip here and there
A meal along the way. 

As the holiday goes
Slowly drawing to an end
Enjoying our last stay. 

Still a few days more
Before toward home we head
And in our nest we’ll play. 

Brian  Matthews, 4-7-23

Archie’s 13

So Archie’s 13
Looking behind at all he’s learned
Looking ahead for what can be earned. 

On the cusp of manhood 
He does now stand
Gazing at the unknown land. 

But help he’ll always have
To negotiate each twist and turn
Some will make the stomach churn. 

A fine man I think he’ll become 
His laughter and that smile 
Carrying him many a mile. 

His caring for others 
Such a powerful trait
Many will be proud to call him ‘mate’. 

May your birthday be a happy day
Bringing you lots of joy
Now no longer a little boy. 

Remember that in your downest times
There are so many who love you
Who wish you not to be blue. 

And Pop and Baba
Are amongst those on your side
Ensuring from the world you needn’t hide. 

Much to offer you do have
Your love and kinship 
Your wisdom and friendship. 

Brian Matthews, 6/7/23

Sunshine 

Sunshine once again
So long since feeling its warmth -
Hoping it will stay

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

The Ambiance 

So very tranquil 
Sounds are mainly from nature-
And the seagull ‘squarks’. 

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

I knew that early July would be a struggle for me and my family as July 3rd was the first anniversary of my son Sam’s death. This was partly why I was not in a good writing space. I decided I needed to unblock that space and wrote this:

The Unwanted Anniversary 

The day approaches 
A reminder of our loss
The void that now exists 
Where once life flourished. 

Your face visible everywhere 
So many superficially like you
But none who can you replace 
None to soothe our aching hearts. 

The platitudes abound for us
‘Forever in our hearts he’ll be’
But so many hearts rent forever 
Holes that can never be filled. 

For what he brought us
We must be thankful 
Rejoicing in his uniqueness 
That smile never to be seen again. 

But the pain goes on and on
And, at times, is so hard to bear
Regrets so thick on the ground 
As we trudge through them. 

My tears well so easily
Memories crowd my mind
From baby to man, husband and father 
I hold you firmly in my heart. 

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

While on holidays I often catch up on the social media of family and I have a beloved uncle who’s never short of an opinion and was complaining about ‘Right Wing Nut Jobs’ on social media. I agreed with his opinion but it did prompt this poem:

Where to Stand?

Right Wing Nut Job
Not worth a bob
But still I think
Though, to me, their words stink
It’s the penalty we all must pay
That all have a right to their say. 

It’s hard to imagine how it’d be 
If all thought the same as me
While I think my aspirations laudable 
Others will find them laughable 
But I have found no matter where you stand
It’s important you don’t think all your thoughts are grand. 

Brian Matthews, 15-6-23

We had a cold, windy, and wet time in WA, but this was the story for most of the Southern part of Australia at this time. I read a lot but had big gaps in my poetry writing. On the day we left Albany I wrote this:

The Cold

The winter solstice just passed
But no sign of warmth yet 
Nor is it likely for a while
So wet and dreary here. 

As it is in the South of Australia 
Tasmania, Victoria, SA & WA
Which is why so many head North
During this wintry time of the year. 

But, no, we go West & further South
To see the sights in WA
Endless beaches & rugged coast 
Winds and rain from the Antarctic. 

Long, long roads to explore 
Towns and cities not seen before 
Meeting and chatting with others 
Australia’s the same but different everywhere. 

Brian Matthews, 24-6-23

And on a one night stop at a place called Lake Grace, a quite remote little town:

The Roads More Travelled 

The long, long roads
Disappearing in the distance 
The hours between stops
A big, unforgiving country. 

It seems hordes are on the road 
The rigs varying greatly 
From sturdy, smaller camper trailers 
To monolithic vans with car in tow. 

Families travelling here and there
Gray nomads working through their list
For some their only living option 
For most a break from their routine. 

It is funny that we surround ourselves 
With luxuries unknown to others 
Then choose to live for a time 
In quarters sparse and with comforts few. 

Maybe for something different 
Or to engage in a favoured activity 
Still, a way to remind ourselves 
Of the comforts we usually enjoy. 

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

Tumby Bay

Basking in the late autumn sun
Overlooking a beautiful bay
The dog barks conversationally 
People talking nearby. 

The caravan park sparsely populated 
Cooler weather discouraging many
And no public holidays now
A quiet time for this beachside town. 

The long jetty common in this region 
Closed for necessary repairs
All needs to be ready
For the next tide of tourists. 

A lovely town, Tumby Bay
One of many on the Eyre Peninsula 
Rich farmlands and good rains
In recent times, at least. 

The spectre of long, long droughts 
And raging, leaping bushfires 
Banished for this time, it seems
While all enjoy the calm serenity. 

Brian Matthews, 28-5-23

Venus Bay

A very still evening 
The sky alight
Gradually fading to night. 

Conversations here and there
A few open fires too
The usual sounds abound. 

People talking about their day
Fish caught and those not
Talk of family and friends. 

Camping on this bay
Such a lovely spot 
No longer a well kept secret. 

Brian Matthews, 31/5/23

This one was about the Caravan Park at Venus Bay

The Caravan Park

A flat area of shell grit 
A few trees here and there
Empty of most residents 
Seagulls fossicking for goodies. 

Fishermen in the bay
Seeking a good catch
Others on the land
Relaxing or reading. 

Far from the large cities
Though not as isolated now
With paved roads in between 
And flights from nearby centres. 

And even water not a problem 
With a desalination plant here 
And the ocean to draw on
The sustainer of life all around. 

Brian Matthews, 4/6/23

And some Haiku written at Venus Bay

The Fog

Yesterday so fine
Overnight the fog rolled in -
And still  murky now

Brian Matthews, 5/6/23

Sitting in the sun
In such a peaceful setting -
And the rain has gone

Brian Matthews, 5-6-23

The Boats

The boats very still
Floating around in the bay -
Hopeful of some fish. 

Brian Matthews, 6/6/23

Been away on a long caravanning holiday to the Yorke and Eyre Peninsulas in South Australia then across the Nullarbor to South West Western Australia (Esperance, Albany, Busselton, Margaret River) and back. Last day in Venus Bay SA today then home to Normanville SA tomorrow. Some poetry was written though this year has not been prolific for me:

I’ll start with one I wrote a month before our trip started in honour of one of my granddaughter’s 13th birthday.

The Task Ahead 

So now Alexa’s teenage time
Looms and comes into focus 
Some predictions might be made
Though each experience differs. 

Battles with family a surety
These are eternally there
Important friendships developing 
Some that will last and last. 

Lessons learned from all around
Some not heeded, of course 
Yet necessary to learn of the fluctuations 
The ups and downs assured. 

Becoming a 21st Century Woman
Not an easy task, I think
But never was the path gentle 
Moving from child to adult. 

Nobody’s advice is perfect 
Though some more trusted
Part of the job to see the thorns
And find the flowers within. 

May you find the needed tools
To carve your way ahead
Remembering that always 
We who love you, have your back. 

Brian (Pop) Matthews 8/5/23

Shortly followed by one for my wife Barbara on Mother’s Day. I decided some time back that I would refer to Mother’s Day with the apostrophe before the s, as it is a day for each individual Mother, and I follow the same convention for Father’s Day

On Mother’s Day

On Mother’s Day
I’d like to say
How much I appreciate 
Things you do that you just don’t rate. 

The love and the joy
That’s not just a ploy
When e’re a meal you prepare 
Another novel offering you dare. 

The smile I see
When you contemplate me
The laugh that tugs my heart 
You make so easily, such an art. 

Your concern for others
When they have their bothers
And always attentive to my needs
With all your thoughtful deeds. 

Love you greatly I clearly do
As life we jointly meander through 
Hopeful that we’ll enjoy our days
In so many fulfilling ways. 

I hope with a lovely day you’ll be blessed 
Better still if you get a rest
With loving family around 
And heart lovingly bound. 

Brian Matthews, 12-5-23

A New Old Dog

A while since there’s been
More than one dog on the scene
But fate reared it’s head
Now another one on the bed.

Learning the rules of the house
No marking territory inside
Is it time for treats yet?
Is that the table you set?

Roaming the new territory
Barking at the dog next door
Sniffing and snuffling here and there
My glorious turf showing the wear.

But settling he is and will
As all becomes familiar until
A new visitor comes and then
Again he will start the din.

For that’s my job I hear him think
When e’re there’s noise to make a stink
To let my new owners know
Safely their goods they can stow.

Brian Matthews, 16-4-23