I have been reading copiously lately courtesy of the library app Libby but a few poems have emerged:

Greenery outside 
Moving in the gentle breeze – 
Dappling the sunlight.

The Sun Shines

The sun shines
As spring approaches 
The birds call out
The cycle continues. 

The dogs sprawl
Happy to take what comes
Their owners read
Before kicking in to the day. 

And so another day goes
Always different to the last
Though some repetition inevitable 
A novel scene unfolds. 

Nothing remains the same
As time unfolds
The joy is still there
Even when hidden. 

Brian Matthews, 13-9-23

A commonality amongst writers, it would seem to me, is that the words push forth, demanding to be expressed. The quality nor the audience seem important. And thus it was with the following poem, prompted by thoughts of my daughter in law, Erin, on a ‘special’ birthday without her husband, Sam…

Birthdays Passing 

Birthdays come and go
Leaving messages hither and thither
But what do they really show?
Amongst the party poppers and glitter. 

Friends and family turn to you
Asking how to make this day
A special day, definitely not blue
Without heavy dues to pay. 

But the cost of time passing
Cannot be easily made up
Especially those loved ones missing 
Those who used to fill your cup. 

And yet the task is sure
To live a life amongst the pain
To honour those who went before
Missing loved ones who don’t remain. 

And this challenge faces us all
But for some the task can seem
A burden that makes us fall
Living a bad, bad dream. 

However, on your shoulders there appears 
The strength and love of those now gone
To wipe away the veil of tears
And point toward the rising sun. 

Brian Matthews, 25/8/23

Just a couple I have written recently. The following as a consequence of the poems from the past that keep popping up:

Word Play

It seems with words I’ve played 
Since my early days
As snippets now appear
Showing the different ways

That I have expressed my feelings 
Usually in scrawlings short
Words of love for my darling 
She who has me so much taught. 

Often I find this helpful 
The unpacking of swirling emotion
Words helping me to find
The source of my devotion. 

And, of course, the exploration 
Of the deep, deep pain
When life hurls manure
And does my heart stain. 

In concepts and ideas we may find
The tools to move ahead 
As mental static whirls around
Capturing what it is we’ve said. 

Looking for those little slivers 
Of what we recognise as joy
Leaving me to conclude that while fun
Words are much more than just a toy. 

Brian Matthews, 9-8-23

And another celebrating the birthday of one of my grandkids:

Tilly’s 7

Is Tilly truly 7?
Can that really be?
Time passes so quickly 
As we all can see.

I can only imagine 
What her future will hold
But I do sincerely hope 
Happiness will unfold. 

And that her dreams
No matter what they are
Will all come true
And she’ll shine just like a star. 

Though the future is always uncertain 
Of one thing we can be sure 
There are so many who love you
And Pop and Barbara do you adore. 

Brian Matthews, 9/8/23
For the birthday of Natalie (Tilly) Mary Matthews on 12/8/23

Two anniversaries of loss have come and gone in recent days. Firstly, the second anniversary of my Mum’s death (Mary Eileen Matthews, 10/9/1927 – 12/7/2021)

Another Anniversary 

The day comes again
Reminding of your passing
Mindful of those difficult last years
Thinking of the good times too. 

Our Mums central to our being
Shaping so much of what we are
But only human themselves
Bogged down in history and the zeitgeist. 

Still through this moulding another 
And some mould many
Creating novel individuals 
Even from the same womb. 

Resting in peace
Or galloping around the galaxy 
You have left your mark
Many bear your stamp. 

Brian Matthews, 12/7/23

And, five days later, the second anniversary of my younger brother Ian’s passing
(28/10/1953 – 17/7/2021):

Another Year

So hard to mark another year
Since this world you left
Leaving so many bereft. 

Your broad smile so missed
And those lengthy anecdotes 
Wondering if these were jokes? 

Taken too young all agree
With so much yet to offer 
And why, oh why, yet we ponder?

Knowing that this is how
It must be for everyone 
Here today then forever gone. 

But those who loved you
Will share valued memories
Of times your laughter carried on the breeze. 

Brian Matthews, 18-7-23

And amongst this, partly to distract myself, I undertook some major gardening tasks and did myself some unexpected damage to my left hip:

The Pain

A pain, so surprising 
Not felt before
Threatening my very core. 

A result of working too hard
For a man of my age
Understanding it comes with the stage. 

Amazed how vulnerable I feel
When one side of the body weak
Unable to the environment tweak. 

An ache that lingers yet
What is really feared is frailty 
A body unable to deal with reality. 

Brian Matthews, 18/7/23

My wife, Barbara, came across this note that I attached to her car 25 years ago:

To and Fro

I wait for my darling 
For she is on the run
I wait and wait
But she does not come. 

I look forward so
To when I next see her
So happy and witty 
What a pleasure!

Brian 6/2/98

Sometimes I forget if and where I’ve shared things. Here are a few I don’t think I’ve posted here before but, then, repetition is an effective teaching strategy 😀

I don’t think my self esteem was at its highest when I wrote this:

Cancellation
 
Cancellation, a word so fine
Erasing everything of mine
Look around and you will see
That nothing now belongs to me..
 
Or never did
As behind various roles I hid
But cancelled these are now
Having long taken my final bow…
 
Though questions for me still remain
Teasing at my tortured brain
Did I do enough of this and that?
Was my weave just senseless tat?
 
Self-doubt seems wherever you look
The confident, the proud, in every nook
Our history shaped by what we’ve done
Put it aside and have some fun.
 
Attempting this time of life to enjoy
Not seeking out the latest toy
Building depth in what you’ve gained
Not just acting as you’ve been trained.
 
So, cancellation may not be a bad thing
Looking back on what to bring
Into another stage of life
Only certain there’s sure to be strife
 
Brian Matthews, 28-2-23

And this didn’t seem like a good time either:

An existential crisis

When all seems empty 
No zest for life apparent 
Gazing into the future a waste 
All barren and lifeless. 

You’ve had these times before 
And have survived intact 
Learned unexpected lessons 
Recaptured the joy around you. 

And yet this feels different 
Watching others become feeble 
Those who before stood tall
Reduced in body and mind. 

Knowing this will be me
In a time not far away 
A burden to my family 
Difficult to spend time with. 

I would like to think
This is the bottom of a trough 
The wave soon to lift me up
Smiles and laughing regained. 

But a pall descends ahead 
Obscuring what may be
Muting attempts to be positive 
Shading any light. 

I hope this passes soon
That I can embrace life again 
But in this moment that I cannot see
All seems mired in gloom. 

Brian Matthews. 16-3-23

Maybe this is a bit better?

Noises

The bins roll out
The water flows
So many noises
Surround unremarkable lives.
 
And remarkable ones too
But, regardless, it all rolls on
Activity and tasks necessary
To get through the day.
 
Dog claws clatter on the floor
A kitchen appliance whines
Its staccato offerings
Showing that it’s on task.
 
I float like flotsam
On these waves of sound
Mind circling endlessly
Roiling thoughts abounding.
 
Yet no real sense,
No real meaning
Just background chatter
The stutter of life.
 
Brian Matthews, 26/3/23

So, the good weather petered out (not before I’d written a poem) and we’ve had a few days of rain and wind – not pleasant. But, we’ve stayed warm, fed, and beveraged and will tomorrow head for home.

This coincided with one of my grandson’s birthdays so that deserved a poem along with a finishing holidays one:

The Holiday Finishes

The sun shines again
The breeze cool, though
Still an unwintry winter’s day. 

The day planned out
A trip here and there
A meal along the way. 

As the holiday goes
Slowly drawing to an end
Enjoying our last stay. 

Still a few days more
Before toward home we head
And in our nest we’ll play. 

Brian  Matthews, 4-7-23

Archie’s 13

So Archie’s 13
Looking behind at all he’s learned
Looking ahead for what can be earned. 

On the cusp of manhood 
He does now stand
Gazing at the unknown land. 

But help he’ll always have
To negotiate each twist and turn
Some will make the stomach churn. 

A fine man I think he’ll become 
His laughter and that smile 
Carrying him many a mile. 

His caring for others 
Such a powerful trait
Many will be proud to call him ‘mate’. 

May your birthday be a happy day
Bringing you lots of joy
Now no longer a little boy. 

Remember that in your downest times
There are so many who love you
Who wish you not to be blue. 

And Pop and Baba
Are amongst those on your side
Ensuring from the world you needn’t hide. 

Much to offer you do have
Your love and kinship 
Your wisdom and friendship. 

Brian Matthews, 6/7/23

Sunshine 

Sunshine once again
So long since feeling its warmth -
Hoping it will stay

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

The Ambiance 

So very tranquil 
Sounds are mainly from nature-
And the seagull ‘squarks’. 

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

I knew that early July would be a struggle for me and my family as July 3rd was the first anniversary of my son Sam’s death. This was partly why I was not in a good writing space. I decided I needed to unblock that space and wrote this:

The Unwanted Anniversary 

The day approaches 
A reminder of our loss
The void that now exists 
Where once life flourished. 

Your face visible everywhere 
So many superficially like you
But none who can you replace 
None to soothe our aching hearts. 

The platitudes abound for us
‘Forever in our hearts he’ll be’
But so many hearts rent forever 
Holes that can never be filled. 

For what he brought us
We must be thankful 
Rejoicing in his uniqueness 
That smile never to be seen again. 

But the pain goes on and on
And, at times, is so hard to bear
Regrets so thick on the ground 
As we trudge through them. 

My tears well so easily
Memories crowd my mind
From baby to man, husband and father 
I hold you firmly in my heart. 

Brian Matthews, 1-7-23

While on holidays I often catch up on the social media of family and I have a beloved uncle who’s never short of an opinion and was complaining about ‘Right Wing Nut Jobs’ on social media. I agreed with his opinion but it did prompt this poem:

Where to Stand?

Right Wing Nut Job
Not worth a bob
But still I think
Though, to me, their words stink
It’s the penalty we all must pay
That all have a right to their say. 

It’s hard to imagine how it’d be 
If all thought the same as me
While I think my aspirations laudable 
Others will find them laughable 
But I have found no matter where you stand
It’s important you don’t think all your thoughts are grand. 

Brian Matthews, 15-6-23