Old Poems

To find old poems
Read them through 
Recalling some of the context
But only rarely a clear recollection. 

Emotions are stirred
Nerves appear to jangle
The power of just a few words
Written when I was a different person. 

For change and evolve we do
Working through our dramas
Taking steps forward 
And often slipping back. 

 Brian Matthews 26/11/19

I found this in a notebook in my drawer 1/12/23
So many scribblings, many lost over the years 
and yet, occasionally, they re-emerge 😀

Unintentional Pain

Happiness is taken
So easily from another
The will of one imposed
The other left feeling
Minimised, unknown, irrelevant. 

A type of intimidation
By stealth achieved
The face reasonable
But feelings left hurt
It being your problem. 

A thing you like , modified
To meet not your will
Shaped and changed
Turned into not you
A very pale reflection. 

Fitting what they like
Afraid to confront this
For fear of hurting them
Challenging patterns unintentional
Learned so very, very young. 

One can have such wisdom
And yet to things be blind
No easy thing to confront
When deep love in the mix
No clear way to fix. 

Usually writing words
Helps me find a path
Confronting this seems too hard
Attacking core beliefs
Destroying self esteem. 

I’ll sit with it a while
Until the knowing comes
Fearful and uncertain
Of what this really means
Where this takes my dreams

Brian Matthews 28-6-2020

I found this amongst my poems on Dropbox. 
I’ve tried to recall the context, but can’t. 
I find it haunting. Maybe it’ll come back to me. 

Hobbies

Pottering in the garden
Is such a joy,
Tie up tomato bushes and pull weeds,
What more could I want?

I wonder what it might be
That brings this feeling?
The sky above and dirt on the hands,
The birds sing in anticipation. 

This is definitely not for all,
We are a diverse bunch,
But for many this type of toil
Is rarely an impost.

Hobbies are so meaningful in life,
Though some have none,
When life is full of work,
But few escape family obligations.

Interests do the day fill,
And that is important.
‘The Devil makes work for idle hands’,
Says the Calvinistic mantra.

Is physical activity more important
Than our thinking and discussion?
Each play a part in living,
How we each divide our time is unique.

Balance in life is needed,
As I am reminded when lingering too long,
Amongst the smells and sensations outside,
Yes, wear thin it would if hobbies were all. 

Brian Matthews 6/1/2020

I found a couple of close iterations of this 
but I think I’ll stick with this one. 

Time to reflect

When sitting at the computer,
Waiting for the utility program to complete,
Can seem like such a waste,
Stressing that tasks yet to do are undone.

But as with being placed on hold,
While phoning a company for advice,
This time can be useful,
Thinking, reflecting, writing, reading.

We do become so bothered,
By things for which we wait.
Time is there though for us to use,
In ways we may not otherwise.

What is it that we rush to do,
When we know all cannot be done?
How easy it is for priorities to slip
Below everyday trivia and concerns.

Embrace the moment for what it is,
An opportunity not yet experienced,
For exploration of self and others,
A lifetime of little things with meaning.

Brian Matthews 3/9/19

I do recall writing this. I had been running a program on my old computer to clean it up. Ultimately, it crashed and had to get a new one but I remembered reading a comment from someone who was asked how they managed to read so many books and they said that they read whenever they were on hold on the phone. 

The Mask Slips

We are all damaged goods
The twists and turns of life
Leaving gnarls and scratches. 

Those who love us ignoring these 
Content to see the shiny bits
That glow through the haze. 

But, at times, all we notice
Are all the imperfections 
The bumps and the lumps. 

But there is so much more
To each and every one of us
Little sparkles flashing here and there. 

And you I know for sure
Have a big heart and soul
Depth below the facade. 

A mask everyone wears
To hide the fragile bits
To show that we are coping. 

Sometimes it will slip
When we are overwhelmed 
Those who love us are always there. 

Remember when the clouds descend
You provide something 
That can be found nowhere else. 

Brian Matthews 1-12-23

The Wind Down

The holiday here winds down
A range of weather 
The wind bringing many a frown. 

Some sights for all to see
And tours, of course,
If that’s where you want to be. 

Many oysters eaten with gusto
Natural, Asian Fusion, Japanese 
All available, such elegant chow. 

Catching up with dear friends 
Old and very new
Ensures that the fun extends

But, best of all, I think
Sitting reading, walking the dogs
Leaves me well in the pink. 

Brian Matthews 13-11-23

A little cutie 
On his back legs in the air -
Bliss it seems to me

Brian Matthews 13-11-23

Basil, one of our dogs (almost 9 years old, French Bulldog cross Cavalier Spaniel) does look so cute when he rolls on his back to scratch, little legs kicking in the air 😀

A Weekend Away

The park fills up
The weekend imminent 
Time for families. 

Young children circle
On cycles and scooters 
Little ones on balance bikes. 

Chatter fills the air
Excited for the weekend ahead
Laughter and squeals abound.  

Splashing in the pool
Such fun ahead 
The sun slowly setting. 

Ah, to have such energy again
Such zest for life
And the wheel slowly turns. 

Brian Matthews 17-11-23

And this marks the Special Day

Sam’s 40

A pleasant November day
Sun shining, a gentle breeze
You would have been 40 today. 

Earlier the tears welled
A childhood photo on Facebook 
Posted when you turned 30. 

These ‘memories’ pop up
But usually not so heart wrenching 
Such a beautiful little boy. 

Grown into a handsome man
Loved by all you are Sam
And that will never change. 

In your too short life
You taught many lessons 
To your students, families and friends. 

The ripples you caused
Have turned into waves for many
And we still ride these crests. 

A poorer world it would have been 
Without your gentle presence 
Without your unique laughter. 

So many miss you
So many love you
You live on in our hearts. 

Brian Matthews 21-11-23

We need no critics 
Our inner self full of these -
Ready to launch forth.

Brian Matthews 8-11-23

Prompted by a FB post on the topic of self forgiveness 

Melbourne Cup Day

A quiet day at the cafe
Probably a Melbourne Cup effect 
So many at Clubs or Pubs
Wearing silly hats, I bet. 

Doesn’t have the following it had 
A national institution in years gone by
But times change and things move on
What was important now gives no high. 

A country changing for sure
More diversity than ever before 
And still old habits live on
Nurtured as if they are core. 

What the future holds is never clear
Demographics shift with every year
But one thing can be said again 
Love of country will remain. 

Brian Matthews 7-11-23

Another fine day
At this place called Coffin Bay -
Oysters for lunch? Yes!

Brian Matthews 7-11-23

A chopper above
An expensive tourist treat -
Worth the view, maybe 

Brian Matthews 7-11-23

And the poem revisited is one I wrote for my son Sam’s 37th birthday before we knew of his cancer. An undertone is of regretting the distance between us as a result of growing older – ironic, I thought, when I was soon to lose him completely.

It is revisited because there was a line that didn’t make sense – probably an autocorrect thing:

Sam’s 37

The birthday of a son,
No longer a child
And not so for many years,
Brings cause to pause
Reflect on what he’s become. 

A husband and father
Of two chips off the block
As are all little ones
Drawing on genetic memory
Aided by the experiences they gather. 

The curiosity of the child
Morphing into enthusiasm of youth
Facing the challenges of the day
Exploring and contributing 
Soon leaving behind the wild. 

A child never leaves the heart
Of a parent invested in
The happiness of their offspring 
Knowing not what the future brings
But sure that you will be apart. 

Life cannot be lived through children 
Or grandchildren for a fact
Evolve and develop they surely will
Moving in directions unseen 
With motivation from you hidden. 

Not because they rail against you,
Though that can be a thing
But more because they need agency,
Different hills and valleys to explore,
So they can have their novel view. 

Brian Matthews 
21/11/2020

So, yesterday drove from Port Broughton to Coffin Bay (5 and a half hours). Someone had told us about the wildlife in the Caravan Park but still surprised by the number of Roos in the evening and emus here and there plus a plethora of bird life and much bigger flocks of galahs than we get on the Fleurieu (no corellas here it seems). The galahs prompted this Haiku:

The galahs all cheep 
Such talkative little guys - 
Saying we are here!

Brian Matthews 5-11-23

So today and yesterday, I penned a few more.

Firstly, a couple of Haiku

The Crested Pigeons

The crested pigeons
Strutting here for all to see -
Always, one left  out

Brian Matthews, 1-11-23

The Little Dog

The little dog rests
Waiting to show all his best -
Oh, off he goes now!

Brian Matthews, 2-11-23

And then an ode to the little seaside village we are staying in:

Ups and Downs

Port Broughton, such a pleasant place
Bird calls and children laughing 
The sun is shining and the air is clear 
The only down side, too much wind. 

Though now it is not unpleasant 
Blowing but not gusting much,
Ah well, keeps the flies away
And so it always goes. 

Each venue has its strengths 
But nowhere has it all
And one positive may just mean
That another negative emerges. 

Perfection may be sought 
But reality always intrudes
And generally this we accept 
Though memory may blur the unwanted. 

Brian Matthews, 1-11-23

I read the word ‘perspicacious’ in a novel and thought how relevant this word is to Barbara, my wife – captures her essence

Perspicacious

Perspicacious, a word that so describes you
The way you see the world 
Insights leaping forth
Ideas unfolding zestfully. 

A canniness that’s unusual 
Astute perceptions of the terrain
Sharp-witted beyond the norm 
Perceiving patterns usually unseen. 

Brian Matthews, 2-11-23

While uploading new stuff, here are a couple of birthday poems I wrote. The first for my lovely wife, Barbara, written the day before her birthday:

Happy Birthday Barbara 

Happy Birthday I say to you
With all the love that’s to you due. 

For all the little things you do
And all the big ones too. 

I’m grateful to share your life
So thankful that you’re my wife. 

Looking forward to what’s to come
Sure that there’ll be some fun. 

Hoping you have a lovely day
And that joy will with you stay. 

Toward this end I’ll do all I can
To remain, forever, your loving man. 

Brian Matthews 28-10-23

And the second for my Sister, Margy

My Sister’s Birthday 

On special occasions it’s nice to talk
One topic morphing into another 
Sharing news about our families 
Reminding each other about the little things. 

Each of the snippets weave a web
Connecting each to the other
Tales of illness and of joy
As life meanders on. 

It is so strange when this can’t happen 
When a loved one is lost for good
And stresses why it’s so important 
To take these opportunities to connect. 

Little ripples spread so far
A conversation here sparks a thought 
Or leads to an action, near or distant 
Our loved ones never far from our thoughts. 

So, Sister have a lovely day
Though not all is perfect in your world
Remember how many love you
Revel in this joy today. 

Brian Mathews, 1-11-23

So, staying at Port Broughton, Yorke Peninsula South Australia, for a while, so some extra time and updating my blog seemed a good idea.

Recent months haven’t been my most productive and there have been some down times, reflected in my poetry:

The light sought

The spirits so low
Yet nothing to cause this
How long before the joy in life returns?

My default seems now to be
Very like a curmudgeon 
All seen through distorted windows. 

“Shake yourself from the mire 
Reach toward the abundant brightness”
I say to myself loudly. 

But from myself I turn away
Tunneling into the blackness of my soul
Reaching for a key to turn. 

The key that opens the door 
Behind which lurks the vacuum cleaner 
To suck all the dark clouds away. 

But my reach comes up empty 
And in panic I turn away toward the light
Knowing I can not reach it yet. 

Brian Matthews, 8/10/23

I read a lot and came across an interesting book on mindfulness and grief: Grieving Mindfully… by Sameet Kumar that resonated strongly with me. A psychotherapist strongly influenced by Buddhism, Sameet helped me to see my grief, over multiple personal losses, in a more relaxed manner – ‘This too shall pass’ and, I guess, this is reflected in the following poem:

Life Continues 

The fog lifts 
the light leaks through 
Hope and joy beckon. 

Plans begin to emerge
Things to look forward to
Where before all was dark. 

Is this resilience?
The noblest attribute
Allowing recovery from pain. 

“Don’t question it”
I hear myself think,
Or the dark may again prevail. 

Accept your mind recovering 
Your soul filling 
With the potential ahead. 

And so life goes on
A journey with one destination 
But with love and joy aplenty. 

Brian Matthews, 14-10-23

My more positive mood was cast asunder, as it was for 40% of Australians, including most First Nations people (contrary to Conservative fake news), when our referendum to include Australia’s first inhabitants in our Constitution and set up an advisory committee to Parliament was voted down.

As a result I wrote the following:

A Nation Speaks

Scratch the surface 
And you will see
How racist most can be. 

Powered by arguments
That are not credible 
Marking our nation deeply. 

A simple concept 
Made into something it wasn’t 
Calls for detail so obtuse. 

Our nation will move on
But the stain will remain
Our First People ignored again. 

Brian Matthews, 15/10/23

I have been criticised for using the term ‘racist’ and I rewrote the poem replacing this with ‘intolerant’ but it didn’t work for me.

Unsurprisingly, the lies spread by the No campaign have become apparent but I am ashamed that so many Australians were misled by politicians and public figures with duplicitous backgrounds, and so I wrote this:

A Voice

A simple concept 
Muddied by the powerful 
Such leaders to follow 
With no ideas for change. 

Divided us they did
Not by the referendum 
But by negativity 
Created by those with much to lose. 

For change may have had some impact
May have asked us to confront 
That which drags our first inhabitants down
Asked the difficult questions of us all. 

What amazes me most is this
That people formed a line behind 
The most detestable leaders,
Dutton, Hanson, and Palmer. 

How could these be the ones
Who shaped our future?
It seems to me
Australia has dropped the ball. 

Brian Matthews, 16-10-23